Bloody Hell!
by Color and Light
Summary: The gangs 6th year at Hogwarts, likely and unlikley pairings, need I say more?
1. Default Chapter

Hey all reader's I've come up with an idea on this rainy Friday. If you're a fan of my LOTR stories don't worry another one-shot is on its way.

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN "Harry Potter" the books and movies all belong to J.K. Rowling and Warner Brothers Studios. Nor do I own any books authored by Anne Rice.

Untitled.

Ronald Weasley turned his head around in circles watching his small owl, Pigwidgeon, flutter around the room. Harry Potter, his best friend, was polishing up his  broomstick and Hermione Granger simply had her nose in a book.

Another lazy Saturday in the Gryffindor common room.

The rain pattered against the window pane, the clouds seemed to be a thin bag holding in all sunlight with exception of a few rays seeping through and lighting up small parts of the lake.

Hermione sighed and set the book down with a small _thud_ on the oak table, "I'm bored."

Harry looked up and nodded in agreement with her while Ron let out a short, "Yup."

There was a small flash of lightning outside the window, followed by more thunder.

Hermione rolled her eyes, "Then why don't we do something?"

Harry and Ron looked at each other… and said simultaneously, "Nothing to do."

Ron seemed half asleep, his eyes partially closed, until his ears caught a faint slap and he moaned, "Pig! Bloody bird, he's always running into windows and walls."

Hermione giggled a little, and Harry smirked. At that point they all went back to their own activities. Ron finally looked at Hermione silently reading her book, then to Harry, who had pulled out, "The History of Quidditch". He kept looking from one to another of his best friends, "Hermione, what are you reading?"

Hermione looked up in surprise, '_Ron? Interested in books?' _ Then stated, "It's a muggle book." She handed it to him.

"Interview with the Vampire?" The red head read aloud raising one eyebrow at the witch.

"It's interesting to see the muggles imagination of a Vampire, then compare it to the actual thing." Ron gave a skeptical look and thumbed it open.

More thunder rumbled on outside. At one point it was so loud that it frightened Hermione and she dropped her book.

Harry finally spoke, "Even detention with Filch would be a bit more interesting than this."

Hermione jumped up and shivered when Harry said the word, 'Detention'. Ron smirked in amusement at this, "Come now Hermione, detention is not _that_ bad."

"Oh, yes, Ron, I remember your extreme enjoyment when you came back from cleaning up that mess in Potions covered in boils."

Harry snickered at the memory, "I remember that! And the next week as a side effect your freckles disappeared!" He was laughing now, along with Hermione.

Ron just rolled his eyes as well as winced at the memory. He tried to keep a stern face, but, just like his dad, it was not long before he was laughing with them.

Hermione checked the old grandfather clock and stood up, "It's time for lun-" She had not even finished the statement before Ron and Harry were outside the portrait of the fat lady waiting for her to catch up.  

I know, pretty boring chapter. It'll get better. After all, you always need some sort of introduction. And if it doesn't? Well this is just a pastime for me until summer school is out... math is evil I swear it. Evil glare at the state test

So please review!    Hey at least my muse is back… she seems to like rain.


	2. Potions class

Hi, I'm just making this up as I go along, so, if you have any ideas, please send a review.

The DISCLAIMER is in the first chapter. I swear I do not own anything, but if there really is something I own, besides the plot, I will put a little asterisk besides it.

                                    Chapter 2

Severus Snape, Potions master of Hogwarts, walked into his classroom. He let his cold black eyes stare down each individual student in that room. Hermione was as ready as ever. Harry looked attentive in hopes that no more house points would be taken from Gryffindor. And Ron? He was looking rather sloppy but had the necessary supplies out.

Snape eyed this and seized the opportunity, "Five points from Gryffindor, Mr. Weasley, next time try to look a bit neater like Mr. Malfoy here." 

Ron said in a low voice. "Yes sir." Then leaned over to whisper Hermione, "Of course! Next time I'll just bleach my hair as bright as I can get it, and add ten tons of grease."

Harry held back a snicker and Hermione bit her lower lip.

"Miss Granger, Mr. Weasley, detention at lunch. For talking in class."

Hermione's eyes went wide, "But sir! You can't give me detention!" She started hyperventilating.

"Oh yes I can Miss Granger and I can also take five more points away for speaking out of turn." 

Hermione's eyes filled with tears and Ron's hands clenched under the desk. Harry gave a death glare at the back of Snape's skull.

"Today you will require…."

"Bloody fucking asshole from hell!" Ron yelled on their break in the common room, Harry just shook his head. Hermione had gone to the girls' dormitory. Ron kept pacing up and down.

"Ron calm down! I've never seen you this upset over detention."

"I could care less about detention, Harry!"

"Then what's wrong?"

Ron stopped and pointed out the door, "That bug eyed big nosed freak made Hermione cry, that's what!!"

Harry nodded in agreement, not sure of what to say, Hermione was their best friend and, as sexist as it sounded, a girl, so it was understandable that they felt more protective of her.

Ron finally collapsed on the couch, as Harry patted him on the back, "I don't know why but it just got me so buggered off to see her like that."

Harry smiled to himself, "I think I may know why."

Ron turned and gave him a puzzled look, "What?"

"Nothing, nothing."

"Harry, sometimes I wonder if that scar of yours affects your brain." Ron stated and quickly dodged as a cushion form the couch was thrown at him.

Please review! If I am a bit out of character please let me know, and I will try and correct it. And sorry for short chapters, I'll try to lengthen them in the future.  By the way, this was edited by the Comma Nazi….."No comma for you!" - Jesse


	3. Erm arriving at detention and other thin...

Hi... yeah, I'm quite the chatter box, can you tell? Sry about taking so long to update, comp. went on the fritz. It just needed a good kick.

A red eyed Hermione walked with Ron to the dungeons, "I'm sorry I got you into this, Hermione."

"It's okay Ron, besides, it's not all because of the detention that I'm upset… it was just..." She trailed off.

"Yes?"

"Well, I'm not used to any teacher speaking so coldly to me. Snape has been awful…especially this year"

"He's a slimy git, don't pay attention to him. The only way to impress him is to either not wash your hair for the rest of your life or bleach it so bright that people go blind by looking at it."

Hermione smiled at this and looked out the archways onto the grounds, the forest was as dark as usual, but the simple tree's that had been planted, most likely by Hagrid, were a mixture of auburn and canary yellow leafs; gently floating down to touch the ground.

Enchanted rakes, worked busily upon this mosaic of color, scooping the leaves into giant piles, which Fred and George would probably jump into if they had not left the school…

Hermione shivered as they went lower and lower down the staircase into the dungeons and as they stood outside the door.

"And though I walk in the valley of death; I shall fear no evil." Ron muttered and opened the door by a crack.

Then quickly shut it…both pressed their backs against he door, staring ahead.

"Hermione..."

"Ron…"

"Please do not tell me that I saw... what I think I saw…"

"I saw it too…" They both turned and opened the door a bit once more.

Snape and Twerlanny were… _kissing?_ And from the look of things, they weren't planning on stopping any time soon.

Ron and Hermione went up the staircase halfway and sat down. Ron stared in horror at the wooden door, "I'm scarred for life."

Hermione doing the same turned to Ron, "And I'm not?" She shook her head, "Two of my least favorite teachers…" She could not bring herself to say the words.

"Snogging." Ron stated simply

"Oh, Ron that's such a crude word."

"Crude is a crude word, what does it mean anywa-" He was interrupted by a moan from the room.

"Let's go to lunch."

"My thoughts exactly," they both ran up the staircase.

"I thought you two had detention."

"Well we ...do but um…"

"You see…" Poor Hermione and Ron tried to say it.

"We'll tell you later in the common room."

Harry stared at them, "Okay… so are you two hungry?"

"NO!"

A little surprise out there for you all who have tolerated this poor excuse of a fic up to chapter 3. I am by no means Snape/Trelawny shipper, but thought it would be kind of funny. If not disturbing.

So please review!  
The comma nazi strikes again, "Still no comma for you!"


	4. Peeves's Song

Chapter 4

After reviving Harry, Ron and Hermione were asked to go through the story once more.

"Snape…was…snogging....Twerlanny..." Ron said slowly.

Harry's face went an unhealthy shade of green... "I think I need to use the lavatory."

"Right," Ron stated, looking pale from the memory himself, "I'll go with you."

Hermione rubbed her temples. "I think I might go and see if Madam Pomphrey has any Aspirin."

"Aspra-what?" Ron said confused, raising an eyebrow.

"Aspirin. A muggle medicine that gets rid of headaches," Hermione looked to Ron, "Your Dad might know what it is…"

Harry snickered a little, "Not that it was funny or anything, but remember when your dad got stitches?"

Ron his head slap into both hands, "Don't remind me." He groaned, "There were flying sewing needles following him everywhere all summer, Mum wanted to remind him, obviously. She was constantly saying, 'Do you want me to sew anything for you dear? Your shirt, your sweater, your stomach?' She gave him the worst bloody time."

Harry was now rolling on the floor laughing, and Hermione had to cover her smile with a hand.

"It's not funny," Ron said, his face as red as his hair, "On second though Hermione, I think I'll go get some of that Aspirin with you."

Before they left the common room, Ron turned around and said evilly to a laughing Harry, "We heard Snape moan_, very loudly_ before we left."

Harry went paler than Nearly Headless Nick and ran to the bathroom.

Peeves floated lazily staring at the ceiling; obviously bored to tears… that is if ghosts could cry.

Filch was no more fun, and nothing interesting had happened ever since Fred and George had left. He sighed and rolled around, suddenly seeing red hair like a beacon in the fog, and grinned.

The brunette turned to Ron, "What day is it?"

"Thursday."

"Not what I meant."

"The 30th," Ron shrugged, "Why?"

"Tomorrow is Halloween." Hermione reminded him, throwing her hair over her shoulder, "and the dance."

Ron rolled his eyes, "What? Are you sad because 'Viktor' can't make it?" He saw Hermione sigh, "Oh um…did he... give you the boot then?"

"Apparently he met, 'the girl of his dreams' the other day. Who happens to live much closer."

"Oh," Ron felt this was not the proper time to say, 'I knew you were dating,' or 'I told you so.'

"Yeah but the sky is not going to fall you know." She shrugged. Suddenly out of the air, swooped Peeves, pushing Hermione with such force that she and Ron both fell to the floor. Ron caught her, although his hands were not in the ideal place you would want your hands on your best female friend.

Peeves swooped over them with glee; he sang a song over their heads,

"_Krum, knocked out Granger on her bum; but Weasel was there to catch her from her fall, all the while, trying to get his filthy hands up her bra! Oh yes she did fall fast, but not as quickly as the Weasel caught her arse!"_

He flew away cackling, on his quest to make mischief till the end of time.

Both Hermione and Ron's faces matched the youngest Weasley boy's hair, quite nicely in fact.

Hermione rolled off and got up; straightening her blouse. Ron got up very quickly as well and started apologizing, "Good Lord Hermione! I swear I didn't mean to touch you there! It was just you were falling and…and…"

"It's fine, Ron."

'I mean, bloody hell, my hand's went up and..."

"Ron, it's okay."

"..Caught the...well....the most, err... part closest to me..."

"Ron!"

"Yes?"

"I'm okay with it. Let's just," the bell rang, "Go to class."

They both went to Charms. Harry struggled with his candle, Hermione lit it in no time, and Ron was trying to figure out the pronunciation of the spell. Poor Neville was in his corner seat, he seemed to be trying to figure out what the spell was supposed to do.

Dinner came, and the trio sat down; in the middle of their meal Harry picked up a plate of chicken and questioned Ron, "Do you want a leg, or breast?"

Ron blushed like mad and pushed his plate away from him, "I'm full."

Hermione abandoned her chicken and went back to her salad.

A bright blinding flash appeared, and Harry hissed, "Colin! If I ever see again I'll drop that camera from the top of the astronomy tower and into the lake!"

So what do you think? Review please!  
Comma Nazi edited yet again. Joy!


	5. A note

Chapter 5

"Today, class, we will be working with the elements. We will be Transfiguring wood into water and water into fire and so on. Turn to page 103 in your text books please, to the chapter titled, 'Elements.' " The graying Scottish woman announced, true, Professor McGonagall did seem more weathered, most likely form the events of the year before. 

 Harry Potter looked over at his ex-girlfriend, Cho Chang, she was beautiful. For some strange reason she had been wearing long sleeves ever since she had gotten off the express last month, even when the weather was humid and hot.

Harry folded up the letter and charmed it to her desk.

Cho was surprised, but silently folded it open.

_Cho,_

_I have trouble expressing my feelings as everyone knows, except for my anger and frustration at certain events. This has taken me so long to write, all summer in fact so here:_

__

_My lip's touched yours as the tears of pain ran down your cold face_

_You looked so beautiful in the darkness of that one instant, _

_You were in a cage, of confusion and I was the one that put you there_

_The snow was falling outside the window, slowly like torn paper in the wind._

_Everything felt so distant like nothing had never really been._

__

_It's not very good…_

'Not very good!' Cho thought tears in her eyes, it's beautiful_…' _

_But with out a doubt, the truth is, and this is the absolute truth;_

_I still love you._

_Harry._

Harry now had his head deep in his textbook so that you could only see the messy back of his jet-black hair.

Cho sent a note back…

This poem was written by, one of my best and coolest head banger friends, who is now singing to Slipknot in my room. Thanx Jessica S.!! This fic is dedicated to you!

Review please, I know the shortest chapter in the history of but believe me its better that way.  
The comma Nazi wuz here. --à -Jesse


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